Life begin? hmm..guess so...

March 27, 2009

Never know who will be there for you and who will betray you!

Everything is just like a mystery, or surprise!

Waiting for you to discover...

Well, what I prefer most? Shut up, of course will be discover the friends that always there for me.

When I left my country, my respected sir told me, your life just begin!

Haha, until this moment, I still not sure about that...my life just begin?

Hmm....good thinking....

Last night, I want to do my curriculum vitae, so I find it in the dvd that contained some of my before assignment...

Just so coincidence, I have chance to see back my assignment. especially my presentation and power point.

Gosh, I really have to say I miss the time so much...

The time we all just come to a new place named Bukit Kledang, the time we all give our best shot to prove our ability....

I certainly gave my best shot in everything I did at first....

Following the semester I go through, everything change, include my efficiency in everything....

Watch back my presentation about my last 30 days, I cried at the beginning of the presentation...

Actually, I was not really throw myself into the presentation....

My sadness came from everything happened at there, a place I love, a place I learn...

God know how confused I was at that time...it started when I receive a sms that morning, before my presentation, and everything is not under my control anymore...

One by one, I see back what I done in the 2 and half years....

My last presentation...I want say amazing for myself...

Whenever I thought back the presentation, I still can feel the freedom in myself...

I already free myself from all those suffering....I was so light without any burden on my shoulder....that was me...the beginning of me...

From that time until now, it had been 2 years....

I am not sure my life began since 3 years ago or...well...haha...

No matter how, I already learn how to protect myself...I won't let anyone to hurt me anymore...

From believe sir so much until all those rumors...from believe my friends untill I was alienated, cheated and hate by them...

I know I can't stay away from all the mistakes because I am human, I did mistakes...

But I know I am honest to myself...maybe I am too willfullness in making decision, I just do what I want to do, never think what consequences...

But that make me who I am...Sorry to friends that hurted by me...but I don't want and don't like to do something make myself unhappy...

21 years past, what I learned in 21 years?

What do you think? From a little girl to a girl like me today....

Keep on learn while living...this is what I do now....haha...

走出我人生黑暗地带后的我

2009年3月14日，晴
刚刚在收听香港新闻，就这样听见了香港少年自杀的事。很多少年都会在部落格发泄自己的不满和沮丧，也有个爸爸因女儿跳楼自杀后而继续女儿的部落格，天天在部落格上写些文章，似乎跟女儿聊天。听了后，我的眼泪就不自觉地不停地流下来。很多少年在做任何决定时，都不会想想家人，包括我在内。如果一直有跟随我的部落格的人，他们都知道前一两年，我在部落格写的东西。很悲观，很痛苦。曾经有很些人误会过，曾经有人会问为什么我变成这样。不过，那时部落格里写的，就是我那时的心情。
曾经何时，那么一刹那，我想过寻死，不过，始终没那勇气。当人陷入最悲痛时，什么歪念都跑出来了。我现在觉得很庆幸，真的很庆幸，我还有机会从那黑暗的地带走出来。离开了怡保，我整个人都不一样了，我可以潇洒自在地生活，做回我自己。一个人最痛苦的莫非是不能做回自己。在怡保的生活，有快乐，也有痛苦。也许是风水不好吧，这是我常常说的。在那儿，我差点失去自己，也差点变得忧郁。曾经有人以为我是患上忧郁症，也许是吧，也许不是！我也不知道了！
我只知道现在的我，恢复原始的徐薇善，也是我最认识的自己。经过了人生中虽然只可以称得上是小波折，不过，这教会我珍惜现在，感恩现在所有的一切。从那里，我学会了人生，也让我认识了所谓的真正朋友。人生有起有落，当你真诚对待人，人也会真诚对待你。在我最痛苦时，依然有朋友在身边陪伴着我，我看到了，也感觉到了。我没有很多很多的钱，我没有很漂亮的外表，不过，我很幸运，在我的人生当中，我有很爱我的家人和朋友。最重要，我认识了菩萨，阿弥陀佛，学佛让我更加知道自己是多么地巧幸。外面的世界有很多很多的小孩，连生存的机会都很渺茫，我还能活得那么好，还要要求什么呢？
人只要走出痛苦，黑暗的框框后，你就会体会到原来还活着已经是一种巧幸。还能陪伴在家人和朋友身边更加是一种幸运，能够完成自己的梦想简直是应该感恩。有一天，我有能力了，我很想去帮更多需要帮忙的人。至少，世上的悲剧会减少些，让更多人可以看到世界，人生的美丽。你呢？你看到了吗？