It had been weeks after my perfect happy life turn upside down in a day. Suddenly my fairy tale disappear and left is reality. Reality is always cruel and I live in it. After my decision, I really thought everything is solved, but it doesn't. I never feel so so regret in making a decision. In a whole week, I try to accept the truth but in fact, I can't. This time failure defeat me totally. When I struggle to find my balance in sadness and accepting the truth,someone seems give up me as well. Perhaps he never really take me seriously, I keep on giving myself excuses and I did try to make a step.
He never text back and after the last text, I realise,it is so cold between me and him. I am so stupid, to scare my phone signal broken down,that is why his text can't reach me. This is the second time, he left me like this. After I thought there is some connection and flame between us, he left nothing. I can't blame him because I am not even sure about my feeling towards him. But I do miss him, even till now. However, my ego won't let me continue to make myself so cheap infront any guy. I give up.
It is really hurt to think back, you asked me to open my heart to you. You ask me to believe you,try to open my heart to you. And now you totally shut me down to anyone in future. I am scare to believe guys before and now,I never ever trust anyone anymore. I don't know why I let myself involved with him for second time but I did like him. My life is grey and I lost my initiative to live.
I loss faith in myself, I don't know what I shall do for next. Even isolate myself from everyone that know me well and I know them well as well. My best friend,my family,I don't know how to face them. I don't know who I am anymore, a girl with all those dreams and passion to chase her dream,I loss her. A guy is not a big deal,as nothing much really happen between us, but suddenly,I lost my guide and it seems all bad thing happen on me. That make me defeated,especially myself. I never so disappointed with myself till now.
It had been a long time I try blogging my feeling but...Finally,it is out...
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