In the process of forgetting

Again, I need to blogging because I do not want to talk to anyone about this...reading 'I Heart New York' on the train as entertainment, but why it is about betrayal of a ten years boyfriend? Damn it...why everything keep on remind me of him while I try so hard to get over him? It hurts,it really does hurt. After I came back to Wales,every old memory came back to me as well,including him.

I don't know where the courage come from but I reply his message,which he asked me not to delete him and will be there for me if i ever need him. This hurts the most when he said he will be there for me no matter what happen. We never start but from all those months,we texting each other,trying to get to know him better and he make me to try to believe him and when my job not going as I want,he as well,doing something that make me totally collapse.

I really want to get over him but it appears to be not so easy...I am torturing myself now and I hate that side of me. I am not sure whether I am running away from the cruel reality again this time. Going back is not the perfect choice but I don't know what I can do anymore besides going back to people I know and love me...I am tired,really tired.

I love to take train, I iwll miss England so much

It seems I really like to take train, what will be happen after I go back to Malaysia? No more train, only old buses that I am so unwillingly to take. I love everything in England,frankly. However, I understand I am in my comfort zone now. I need to change, to move on to another stage. Pound sterling that I earned here is quite lot compared to what my friend earn at Asia. However,waitress is a job which does not has career prospect.

I did ask myself,pound sterling or career. Well,after everything I go through in this few months,I choose career. I know myself better than anyone, I need success to live my life, to feel I am living in this world, to find my value of living. That is why I decided to go back. Everything is fine in England,just not career. Yes, I do not try to find a proper job at England, I regret for this. I am not suppose to work as waitress after I came back from Malaysia. What a shame...

It is time to move on again. I am not sure my future back to Asia,but I need to try. At least I can find my career and probably depends on it to survive. I don't feel I can depends on anything else to feel alive now. Life is hard but I need to survive through it, no matter how unwilling I am in certain condition and situation.