可悲的婚姻

看着富贵门这部戏，真的很有意思。一段爱情婚姻，一支钻石戒指，可以代表什么？即使是十几年的婚姻，也可以转眼间就变成泡沫。在结婚前，真的想清楚了吗？很多人在那玄间的甜蜜和冲动决定结婚，当大家发现原来对方不是最适合自己时就决定离婚。有孩子的就伤害了自己的孩子。前几天来了一桌客人，在我们的店摆喜酒，一个洋人和华人结婚。两方都带了自己的孩子来，他们都是第二婚。我看到那女人的小女儿才十二岁，一副不开心的样子。本来大家都开开心心的，筵席结束时，那小女孩闹别扭，哭了跑出店。她妈妈也伤心流泪。

看到这一幕，我心里难受。从那女孩进店到结束，我看着她，心里就替她觉得难受。虽然我已经那么大了，可以自己思考，不过，如果我父母离婚才跟另一半结婚，我的心依然很难受。看着这女孩的同时，我真的很感叹，感叹大人为什么那么不负责任。你们爱得死去活来时就结婚，为什么都不体会你们孩子的心灵。他们心灵受了多大的伤害，你们又知道吗？当夫妻离婚觉得自己受到伤害，老公或老婆不再爱对方了，觉得自己的爱情被背叛了，你们的孩子呢？为什么要那么要做一时之气的事，留下那么大的遗憾呢？我不能了解，也不想了解他们所谓的原因，对我来说是种借口。

当我越来越大时，看到的人越来越多时，对婚姻这种东西也渐渐加强了抗拒感。婚姻更本不能换来保障，那么何必结婚生子呢？何必害了下一代呢？我真的很庆幸我父母虽然在一段时间内一直吵架，不过他们还是维持了这个家，我的家。我真的很谢谢他们。我不会相信婚姻，也不想结婚，自己的伤害已够了，何况如果还有孩子？也许看到破裂的婚姻太多了，当我看到甜蜜的夫妻，白头到老，牵着对方的手一起走，我真的好感动。当我看到我的朋友幸福的样子，我也很开心。至少我还可以看到爱情美好的一面。我自己没有的，我很想看到我身边所关心的朋友得到幸福。只要你们幸福，我就幸福了！

Chao

Rarely will see anyone fighting as I am always with friends that take care of themselves and will not involve into any fighting. However, I saw white people fighting at my work place. I saw all what had happen as I was standing there and it is horrible. Well, horrible at the same time felt challenging incident. I don't know where my courage come from when I stand among them and tried to settle what I supposed to do. I still remember few years ago,a boyfriend of a coursemate came to our hostel and argued with my coursemate and even fighting with the third guy of their relationship. I was so scare and felt helpless. But today, I don't know where the courage come from, I don't care whether I did the right thing. I just know I have to ask them pay bill and leave.

When a guy so aggresive and want to fight, I spoke in a loud voice. Later, my boss said in general (din't mention anyone),'don't scream or shout because if we panick, our customers will be panick'. I don't think I am screaming or shouting as they can't heard me and I want to let them know if they still so aggressive, I will call police, that's all. They can't hear me if I speak in tiny voice. What so funny is after they leave,after everything came back to normal,collegue of mine said why ur pronounciation of police different, we pronounce differently, suppose to be like this...she is so funny, after all this happened, is that what she only know to say? It is not the time to argue or say how it supposed to be pronounce. I just feel she does not like what I did just now. I don't know why and I think I should not care. At that moment, I just know I have to do something, other customers disturbed by this incident and I have to settle this,it is not time for correct pronounciation or who supposed to be settle it.

When working in this society, all types of people we will met and I just know one thing, I want to survive among them and I have to do whatever I can to survive. I have my own principe and if I can achieve the level in which I don't care what people think or talk about me, I am success in my life.

死扑街阿叉！1！！

damn...really really damn hate all those 阿叉！死阿叉！It is u that owe my salary until now..from october till now...already 2 months,i ask for my money is the right thing. u tis damn thing, still say me always text u asking for money and din ask how r u? damn,i don wan noe how r u...i don care, who care! wat u always thinking about me lately,u better don think!死变态佬，死咸色鬼！damn him! 真的死扑街！·去你妈的！气死我了！i never will text or call u to ask for the money anymore!当着拿去喂狗！这些死阿叉！去死啊！！！！！！！！你关店也不管我的事！是自己没脑，没本事，还想当老板！害人害家人，真的是死废材！去你妈的！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

不懂说什么。。真扑街

服务这行真的不是人做的，真的是会气死人！天天要受气，不管客人怎么不讲理，也要笑脸对着他们，跟他们道歉，真的是他妈的！这星期特别忙，赶了一轮又有第二轮，赶不到，又要被老板说！大老板还跑过来说，大台cancel了，你们要检讨，看是什么问题！你妈的，什么检讨啊？我们被客人骂得狗血淋头也不敢大声说一句，还要我们怎么样？要我们飞啊？要赚多一点钱，什么时候台都接，时间又非常紧逼，怎么赶啊？还说我们没看紧，没赶台。客人来吃饭，怎么赶啊？你们老板要赚钱，要我们赶台，得罪客人，又赖到我们头上来。真的有够气人！

那些死客人，真的有够扑街。。每次都拖拖拉拉，又这样又那样，再不然就说这说那的！这些死扑街鬼佬，真的是丢。。。真的把我给气死了！好不想继续做了！我干吗要天天受这些死人气？在这里死鬼佬的地方，真的天天要受气。他妈的！回家去，也是他妈的，给那些死马来人欺负，工资又低！哎。。做人真的难！大了真的扑街！

New Moon release

26 November 2009

Dear blogger, have you all watch New Moon yet? If not, then take some time and watch it because it is really cool...COOL? haha..quite a weird word to say hah but I like tis word. Second episode of Twilight, New Moon is a nice movie...I love all the actions and sound effect of the movie. Jacob, new character in this movie,hmm..he is quite cute and sweet guy....and gosh,he got such a great body...haha...

Just like what some people said, this movie at the end is about love...yeahh..it is really about love and the ending is totally hilarious. Edward ended this movie by asking Bella to marry him. Gosh, this told us to come and watch again next time because it does not give us a total ending. But I love the LOVE showed by Edward, Bella and Jacob. I just thought if this world really has such a great love...and if my life got such a wonderful love...haha...but it is hard.

Again, I watch this movie alone. I go to have my dinner alone, watch this movie alone and go back alone. It is kinda weird when I went into the cinema alone as I felt like people looking at me like some kinda of weird or lonely girl...haha...although I enjoy this movie, but at some moment, I really feel kinda of lonely. The bad thing is at that lonely moment, I felt if I got someone special beside me...why I said it is a bad thing? When I alone and felt lonely, I only thinking of want to have a boyfriend. That is such a bad thinking...haha..do you know what I am talking about? I am not drunk but I don't know what I am talking about now...so I better get back to my stuff...good night to all...

离离别别

现在人人都看到天天笑哈哈的phoebe..昔日悲哀的薇善暂时都不存在。最近换了份工，感觉都挺开心的。有些同事都挺好人，跟他们一起共事真的挺开心。不过，为什么我喜欢的人永远都要离开呢？上一次一起共事的同事，我也是特别喜欢，过后因为身份问题得离开。我真的差点哭出来。现在，为什么也是那样呢？难道我的人生当中必须要有那么多离离别别吗？总觉得我人生中过路人太多了。我只想安安定定有一班不错的朋友一起玩一起开心，这样也那么难吗？有时真的很感叹啊。。来来去去，离离别别。。他们说我还小，还不知道人生的现实。也许吧！要开心生活真的难吗？

欺骗与真诚，你选择哪样？

为什么人就觉得说些骗话不是什么大件事？说话时只说对自己有利益的话，对自己没利益的都不要说。有个女孩一个人流浪到外国生活，没有亲人，没有很多认识的朋友。就在工作时认识了些朋友，也让这女孩很珍惜的朋友。虽然大家都来自不一样的国家，可是女孩是以真心结识他们，当他们是朋友。后来，他们一起搬到新的工作地方，就开始了一起工作，一起生活了。开始，大家都相处得挺愉快，这女孩很尊重他们。他们是长辈，也教会了这女孩很多事，何况他们也对她很好。所以，这女孩都觉得很感激。

渐渐地，认识久了也开始了解了。怪不得人人都说有些情侣因为不了解而在一起，因为了解才分手。不只是情侣，就连普通朋友和与人相处时也可能发生的事情。认识久了，这女孩开始有疑问。到底他们有多真？到底他们说的话里有多少是真实的？他们对老板又很多的隐瞒，对其他人也依然是如此。他们教这女孩说，“我们在这社会混了几十年，什么人都见过了，对自己没利益的话千万不要说。没有必要也不用说真话，吃亏的是自己。”

这傻乎乎的女孩只会说，“哦”！虽然心里有些不认同，不过，在他们面前依然会顺风而走。在短短的几个月，这女孩渐渐知道了不少事，也真正的了解到他们是怎么样的一个人。对，他们对这女孩的确很不错，有什么吃的，都会拿给这女孩吃。出去玩，很多时候都会请客。这就是令女孩担心的事，她不想欠他们任何人情，以后会很麻烦的。这女孩不会因为人家请客而昏了头，看不清楚状况，她还是会辨别什么是黑什么是白，也不会就这样被人洗脑。

很多事情上，这女孩的立场和坚持跟他们都不一样，他们觉得说骗话是为了生活，没怎么样。这女孩觉得只要开始一个骗话，接下来就要篇很多骗话来掩饰之前的骗话。他们甚至为了自己的利益可以说一些其他人没做过的事情。这女孩虽然没出声，不过，在旁边静静地看着，这女孩开始觉得心寒。她有时会想，“他们对我好是不是我现在对他们有利益，他们是不是说的话有时也是骗着我？”这生活是很艰难，这女孩也明白，不过人是可以在这么艰难的生活当中依然可以保持自己的原则，不被环境所逼而污染自己才是生存最可贵的。

这女孩不想用欺骗来过日子，她想要堂堂正正生活，找工，也许会吃点亏，至少不会觉得内疚。环境所逼是人给自己的借口。当有天被人发现你的谎言，他们会怎么看你？他们还会相信你吗？不会了！你在计算人，人也在计算你！这是人生道理，你对人好，也许人家不会那样对回你，不过，无所谓，你不会对不起自己。这女孩有时觉得可怕的是他们会把自己不好的看法套在其他人的所作所为上。也许，其他人这么做并不是这个意思，不过，他们会自己猜他们所做所说的另外含义。这女孩特别害怕这一点。也许现在这样也好，再一个星期，大家会各自过自己的生活，他们继续他们欺欺骗骗的生活，她会继续她真诚的生活。人生并不容易啊。。。

人生当中第一次炒鱿鱼

凌晨四点将来临了，我这个夜鬼，趴在床上，突然爬起身写部落格。已经有几天没写部落格了吧？这几天就发生了些事。虽然很有感触，每次因为某些事而没机会上来这里写。在我长跑21岁的人生当中，我第一次被炒鱿鱼。虽然不可以完全说炒鱿鱼，不过也是被辞退了。由于餐馆很难再经营下去，老板决定关掉中餐，所以两位厨师和我两星期后得走了。其实，我也期待很久了（**我是说不干啊，不是餐馆倒闭**）。这份工作让我有很多怨言和不满，很早就想离开了，只是，万万也没想到是老板开口先炒我们鱿鱼。这个老板真的不是很会做生意，即时现在要倒闭了，跟我们谈要辞退我们的事时也可以找机会问厨师，“到底我现在该怎么做”？我很想说现在你回去睡觉吧（*已经是在他的家了，哈哈*）！

不是我要说老板的坏话，不过，真的很多时候给他气个半死！他对中餐一知半解却要扮得非常了解，餐牌也不跟厨师商量就自己决定印了。当厨师到时，看到餐牌，一个反应。。傻了！什么泰国餐，越南餐都可以在我们的餐牌找到！厨师们都不知道如何煮了，我更加不知道如何翻译！搞到大家大了几个头！不过，这样也混了几个月。本来打算混到我的签证拿到就走人，我们连新的工作也应征了。结果，人算不如天算啊，真的是世事难料！说真的，这几天头脑都不停地在转动，想啊想（我到底接下来该怎么做）！我的签证还没拿到，也不知几时，现在搬走了，我的文件寄回这间屋子，我怎么拿回啊？真的很烦恼！

除此之外，我现在这样的身份，没有老板肯请我打工吧！我也没有地方可以落脚！一句话讲完，倒霉透了！遇到他们这些阿叉真的无话可说！不过，我还挺可怜小老板。虽然他很讨人厌，时常挑我的错误，又很严，不过，他教了我很多。至少他的人挺认真，也算是个君子，哪像大老板，咸咸色色的！他跟大老板合伙可倒霉了，跟一个没什么脑的人合伙等于把钱丢进海水！大老板没料，不过就爱吹牛，把自己有多夸就夸多大！我也最讨厌这种人了！没办法，跟他打工嘛！现在可好了，给他害到我那么烦！哎哟。。

Curly Hair???

Yesterday restaurant is totally not busy day and I even have time to take photos of myself. I curl my hair because my hair too messy now. I want to do hair rebounding but if I do it here, it is too expensive. Haha..my boss said my hair looks nice and I am pretty and sweet with that curly hair =.= He told me I supposely to curl my hair every day when I come to work. Really sweat.. Later the indian chef suddenly open the door and asking me, "Are you Phoebe? Your hair look nice!" Are they coming to work or just to look at girl's hair? Most restaurants waitress have to tie up their hair because of hygiene problem, but the restaurant I work now is special, can put don long hair like that...special hah? Well, even though I don't really like working at this restaurant, but sometimes I enjoy can curl hair and let it down like that as I look messy and not nice with tied hair...haha..

Bristol in UK

Another place I went in UK.Bristol. A friend of mine just moving to Bristol because of working. Although I do not took a lot of photos,but there are still some of them to prove I went there..haha..Actually, my first intention to go to Bristol is visiting my dear friend. A girl that I knew from work place and now become quite a good friend. After I came to UK, mostly I surround by male more than female. Well, I know I did say it is better to communicate with male compared to female to avoid jealousy stuff and rumors and so on...but I miss accompanied of a girl friend.

That is why I have a strong friendship with her (she also very friendly). I love travelling around but if I don't have to worry about money, that will be FABULOUS!!haha...Bristol is a huge city and a lot of shops (gals,WELCOME TO PARADISE)! We do not have much time to shop around but I am happy to see her again after she resigned from the restaurant we worked together before. Seeing her again was great! I stayed a night at her hostel but I am not so fond of the sleepover..gosh,I miss my bed so so so much that time!haha...Anyway,great to share with everyone that see my blogs! I hope I will have the next destination that will be more interesting..ex: ROME???horreyyy

讨厌自己的生活？

刚刚有位朋友问我为什么讨厌自己的生活？我说”就是讨厌咯”。他就跟我说了一大堆我也懂得道理。人要强，就要内在强，只有这样才不会被任何人或外在事物打败。这道理，我一早就懂。不过，懂和做到是两回事。懂不代表做得到。我就是这样。洗厕所，拖地，洗杯洗盘，讨厌也得笑脸迎人，这就是我现在的生活。你问我喜欢吗？赚到很多钱哦？赚到很多吗？也许换回马币挺多，不过，在这里并不多，还要每天被人挑毛病。甚至我也开始怀疑自己到底是不是笨蛋。受了委屈，不知道可以跟谁说，现在的我总觉得我已经没人可以说了。说多了，人都会觉得你烦。

这样生活下去，我越来越失去自己。我的脑袋到底装什么？我是不是什么都不行？就连一份服务生的工作都做不好，每天做的事都有错误。之前，我就跟自己说，我不相信我做不好这份工，我尽量去做，我拼命去做。到现在这些老板依然还在挑我毛病。我这个人做事不一定要工资非常高，我比较注重成就感和工作满足感。这份工给不了我这些。我也知道解决方法就是离开这里，找份新的工作。但由于某些原因，暂时走不了。

我讨厌的是我没有能力改变我自己的生活，我无法随心所欲地过自己想要的生活。做自己想要的工作，自由自在的当徐薇善。心中不爽也得忍。我讨厌自己的无奈。这就是我讨厌我生活的原因。再加上，我觉得我现在身边的人都很怎么样。我很时常想，男人的心到底可以装下多少个女人啊？身边认识的人都是那样，让我觉得好悲哀啊。。感情真的是令人伤心啊。。真爱，不知滚到哪去了。。好可怕的世界！我得快点离开这样不堪的环境，洗净我的心灵。。

又是气

2009年9月13日，晴

一上网就看到有位朋友的display message...change habits, change destiny!一看到，我就觉得不爽，哈哈。。习惯？习惯也得看生活条件啊，不是那么容易的啊。也终于明白了什么叫做“人在江湖，身不由己”。有得选择，谁不想过正常生活，早上上班，傍晚下班，然后就可以好好享受晚上。我也想，有得选吗？有，很难，尤其是在外国，没有任何人可靠！我只有我自己，没有任何人了！我的命运，就只能靠我自己。我也很想过自己想要的生活，过正常健康的生活，能选吗？

又是被人气得爆炸的夜晚！因为什么？也是又是因为那班阿叉！我说，怎么我做了这份工作后变得这个样啊？差不多天天都气爆爆的回家。工作时对老板也是同事不是很客气，有时还发脾气！我也不想，真的不想那样！我不想让自己觉得自己工作态度那么有问题！可是，为什么每次有问题，矛头一定指向我？为什么已经说了不是我做的，也一定要找我训一顿，每次都要让我觉得是我的错？你们把气出在我身上吗？每次两边那样解释，我都很烦！忙的时候，我要做的真的很多，还要理解两方说的东西和互相翻译，出什么差错，又怪到我头上来！你们有完没完啊?我真的已经没什么力气再生气，发脾气。我做这份工真的做到快要发疯了。

现在所有心事都没地方可以发泄了，又是自己收在心里，每天都是这样。受了委屈，受了气，都累积在心里。哪天恐怕会爆炸，我也不知道了。我很想去疯狂一场，我很想什么都不理，只管我自己，疯一场，闹一场。怎么我的生活变得如此了啊？真的有点发慌，有点憋得很难过。心里真的很难受，我到底为了什么要受这些气啊？我真的那么好欺负吗？真的越来越觉得我很孤独的一个人！

一个人逛街，一个人看戏，一个回家，都是我一个人

2009年9月7日，晴

下雨也下了很多天，今天是晴天，不过，我的心情却不如晴天。一早起身，莫名其妙觉得很火，心情就是不爽。有点纳闷。朋友找我聊天，我也没什么心情，总觉得气爆爆的。就连我最好朋友找我聊，我也不是很理。对不起哦。她看到我写很累，就跟我说也许是秋天，人比较情绪化。我这糊涂又把秋天春天搞乱，还跟她说现在是夏天，要冬天了。冬我的头啦，现在就是秋天。夏天怎么跳去冬天了。。哎，没办法，就是莫名心情不好，脾气也变不好。幸好今天不用上班。

就这样，带着不怎么样的心情跟厨师们出街。到了市中心，我去了银行，他们就去逛街。银行的事也办得不是很顺利，心情已不是很好了，还得烦签证的问题，人就变得更低落。从银行出来，傻傻地看群众，傻傻地看一排排的店铺，不知道该如何。肚子响了，饿了，所以就去了Starbuck Coffee。叫了杯Cappucino和一片chocolate cake，找个中间店的位就坐下来了。一个吃着，蛋糕特别甜，Cappucino有点苦，一边吃一边发呆。手也没停止按电话，想找个朋友聊天，结果，找不到任何人。

走出店，就打给妈妈。她终于回家了，在吃着饭呢！听到妈妈的声音真的很好，讲了一会儿就挂了。接着打给我的好朋友，没人接。再打给另外一位好朋友，也是有事做，也挂了。一个人呆呆看着电话，原来我是那么寂寞的一个人。就这样一个人逛街，买了个帽和戒指。花钱也不能让我开心啊。。然后两位厨师来找我，我们一起去了中国店买零吃的。买了后，我跟他们说我要去看戏，他们就去走街。到了戏院，很赶的买Harry Potter戏票，进去时已经开演了。

就这样，一个人看完一部戏。当看到Hermione靠着Harry身旁哭时，眼泪也不知不觉流下来了。感觉她好幸福，有个朋友在身边支持着。至少伤心时有个朋友的肩膀可以借靠。最近觉得自己真的真的很差劲，脾气不好，做事也不好，什么都不好。尤其是我工作态度，尽然向老板摆丑脸，我到底怎么搞的？我工作态度去了哪？每天只懂发牢骚，骂粗口，我几乎都不认识我自己了。我怎么变得这个样子啊？我到底是谁？

看完戏，打电话给音姐，她说他们回家了。啊，我要一个人回家。。怕吗？没什么好怕，因为我习惯一个人了。况且，我也想一个人独处，不想强迫自己对人笑了。真的有点累。我本来都是一个人的，怎么现在很想要一个朋友陪啊？真的很想念有janice陪伴的日子。终于知道为什么今天莫名地心情不好，大姨妈来找我了。。哎。。怪不得啦。。

MEN = SEX BEAST?

Men from Mars? Men= SEX beast? No offence,men..but...you know,some of disgusting men give such impression to others. Some man leave their wife and children to earn living in foreign country. Ohh...such a good dad and husband right? Wait a minute...they will have another girlfriend at that "foreign" country. What? They won't waste such a good opportunity to have another taste of "dish". Okay, some man describe woman as clothes, but some of them describe woman as dishes. Don't say, "ohh..I am so lonely and I need someone to accompany me in this shit foreign country. Besides, I still love my family and I still have responsibility on them!" Bloody hell, don't say such a SHIT excuse!

Some man married because family arrangement.....ARRANGEMENT MARRIAGE! Ohh ya, there are still a lot of people married through arrange...way no in such modern and 21st century? Ohh ya, you better believe, it still SURVIVE nowadays. After married, those man will feel, "ohh, I am still so young and besides that is my family arrangement, not really the woman I love and want! So, I will get new girlfriend at the same time. Well, at least no one know..haha" Those bloody hell disgusted men..what do you think?

Men that far away from family, supposely from WIFE, need girlfriend..why? ohh,don't tell me they need soul mate, to fill in their emptiness, to chat about both feeling and just so plainly for "ACCOMPANY"? Easy way to explain, just say "I NEED SEX"! Why those men that married through arrangement marriage have wives at home but still want to find girlfriend? They don't love their wives but they can have "SEX" legally and officially without guilty? ANd then find another girlfriend because that is the type they like?

Marriage suppose to be a promise, to wife and also the husband himselves, and also to children, to their family. If you don't love and want to find someone you love, reject those stupid arrangement marriage. If you have courage to have affair, why don't you use your courage to reject marriage that you don't want? If you agree to the marriage, why still want to find another girlfriend? Wife is what to man? Sex tool to fulfill their needs? What about promise? What about family?WHat about presence or future children? Don't use "I am far away from my wife and family and I need comfort" as excuse! Don't use " I don't really love her, I am not so mature for this marriage, so I have affair"! Rubbish! All this excuses are rubbish!

Guys, we are the one controlling our life, our destiny is in our hand. No one can changing your decision or your life. Don't use excuses to let yourself doing such a SHIT thing and hurt people around you. Maybe you don't care them, but they care about you! Don't love, don't get married! Stop giving excuses because this is so sucks! This is no offence but men really give impression

MEN = SEX BEAST

女人，你们可以是最棒的

一个女人的苦，你知道吗？即使知道，又知道多少？

看到一户家庭多风光，也不知道过程中是经历了多少风风雨雨，吃尽多少苦头！

看见一个女人天天都笑脸迎人，也不知道心里隐藏着多少委屈，多少苦啊！

听见人天天对你说好话，也不知道他们心里是否正在骂着你。

很多事情看不了表面，表面也解释不了全部。

人与人之间除了让缘分把我们牵绊在一起，也得靠大家的沟通和了解来维系。

没了沟通，摩擦增加，心里难受，到最后，大家不欢而散。问题依旧存在。。

沟通的力量真地很大，让你恍然大悟的事可多呢！

原来一个女人为了家，什么都肯做！即使放下高贵身份也愿意。

不要小看女人的力量！我体会了。。

我体会我妈妈的伟大，我体会我妈妈为了家而离开家去打工的心情。

我以她为傲，无论多辛苦，她依然坚持当我妈妈，依然努力赚钱。

我深深体会一个女人到外面，到外国工作的心情和苦，不是每个人都愿意。

说不出的事情太多了，说出来，其他人会了解你吗？未必。。

不说，心里的苦只有自己知。。。。

一首歌，一个情景，一句话，勾起埋藏的记忆

2009年8月15日，清早

又是一个人的时候，自己看戏，自己笑。这就是我的生活。很多时候，我明白人生很多时候是自己一个人过的。不知为什么最近特别不想一个人。拿起手机，看了看，可以拨电话的朋友真的很少。我觉得自己变得不爱跟人说话了，变孤僻了吗？也许吧！无论跟任何人，家人，朋友，客人，老板，我说的话越来越少，不知该说什么。所以，很时常都戴着耳机听歌。我的耳朵快要聋了啦，这样听下去。。哈哈。。

今天我又回到念书的地方，匆匆忙忙办了事，拿了行李，又搭火车回工作地方。路途中，突然从反映的玻璃看到日落。那片云闪闪发光，太阳就在中间。看着就想起三年前去到望里望念书的日子。还记得，刚刚报到的我，不什么跟人交际，有个学姐特别照顾我。天还没亮就带我去爬光头山，她教我做人要够强，这社会是现实。那时好胜的我跟学姐还挺合得来，因为我们俩都有共同点。她是第一个带我上山看日出的人。就这样，我爱上了爬光头山去看日出。

光头山不止让我看到美丽的日出，也是唯一让我可以一个人发泄的地方。在那念书的日子，我有很多问题，不知道跟谁说，就跑到了光头山去，一个人在那掉眼泪。很好笑吧？我还真的很没用啊。。光头山对我来说是一个避难所，从满了我的回忆。现在，我没有光头山可去，也没有避难所可以让我好好发泄。突然觉得人生真的很奇妙，一首歌，一个情景，一句话都可以让我们回想那么多事情。就这样，光头山的回忆已成为差不多四年前的事了。从一个什么人情世故都不懂，带点傲慢，好胜的女孩变成现在的我，变化还挺多的。不过，好胜的我依然没变。做事尽量自己做，除非不得已，都不想求人帮忙。这就是我。

曾经有人跟我说，“你不把心打开，任何人都进不了的。你必须找到那把钥匙。”我很认真地听，也很认真地放在心里。现在回想，我会问自己，我真的没有把心打开吗？不，我从一开始就把心打开了。不然，就不会有那么多的伤心。我把心打开认识朋友，相信他们所说的每句话，我不会多疑，因为我已经用心去跟他们交朋友。可是，换来的，我也不知道是什么了。我没把心打开吗？我盲目地把心打开，这就是我犯的错。

有位朋友让我觉得挺失望。也许你在乎现在身边的人，也许现在式的“朋友”比较有价值，这会是你的事了。也证明了一开始我对你的想法是对的。我只想说朋友不是这样做的，不过你的路，你自己走吧！祝你好运，我再也不会自动找这位朋友，因为我感觉我不受欢迎。这些东西也不需要等人说出口，心里有数就好了。深夜了，应该睡觉了，不过，感觉上不想睡。。。

真讨人厌的一天

2009年8月23日，晴

今天是一个很糟糕的一天，心情也很糟。现在真的有点讨厌这份工，压力挺大。感觉上，厨房里的厨师出了问题，是我翻译错误。在楼面做不好，是我笨手笨脚。有时，他们自己做错事，也要训我一顿才甘愿。为什么什么事都关我的事啊？他们做错了，就觉得我也有责任，我应该帮他们纠正，我没纠正就是我做事不当。他妈的，我工资现在很高吗？给那么一点点地死人薪水，把我当机器人那样使唤。

我一个人只有一双手和一双脚，我能做得了多少啊？又叫我做这做那得，又叫我去东又去西，每天都听到Phoebe Phoebe Phoebe。听到都觉得厌烦。厨师，材料，要用的东西，所有东西我都有责任要去理。现在不是请我来当经理咧，我只是小小的楼面，他们还要怎样？我们华人跟阿叉真的很不一样，格格不入。文化不一样，语言不一样，做事方式不一样，想法也不一样。他们做事慢吞吞，每天都拖到半夜三更才收工，回到来都十二点多一点半夜。尤其是请我们的老板。他做事都是最后一分钟，叫他做事真的有点呕血。

到了收工时，看看电话，John发信息来。跟他开开玩笑，讲讲废话，给他逗下，心情才好点。也笑了笑。今晚整晚我都笑不出来。当有人跟我说话时，我就对他们笑笑，转过脸，整个脸立刻笑不出来，也不想跟他们多说话和开玩笑。他们最好是不要跟我说话。还真得谢谢这幼稚John。。

我变得如何了啊？做了这行工后，整个人都变得粗燥了。很少骂粗话的我，现在变得爱骂了，尤其是对那些真的很“扑街”的人。真的忍受不了。啊。。。我何时才能恢复正常的我，正常的工作？

Sucks morning start my day

21th August, 2009

Last night or suppose to say early in the morning,about 4am? My landlord don't know bring what woman come back or his wife, I have no idea about that. That woman is totally crazy, bang our door and shouting. What the F***! I am in a good sleep and this crazy woman make me can't sleep back after that. Maybe I was shocked because of the suddenly loud noise,I sleep back after 5 smtg. This make my mood totally turn into bad mood. Damn them...*sorry to be so mean in words, but I am too angry.

They make me remember what my collegue from Bangladesh told me, he said every man has a wife and a girl friend. Well, they are Muslim, and there they are, still behaving like that. I do not want to comment a lot, I just do not agree with their perspective. I will never ever forgive someone betray me, especially the one I love. What happen to people in this world? What happen to love? Is it something that is so fragile and worthless for us to cherish and appreciate? I know and accept that love is nothing for nowadays, but when I heard someone married say or do something like that, I felt a bit unacceptable.

I love to be in love, but if this is what will happen at the end, what is the point then? I never think to get married but at least I found someone that I love (if I really know what is LOVE). However, I know I love my family. Today I visit my baby sis blogs and suddenly I realise she is not baby anymore, not my baby sis that do not anything anymore. She grows up already and now she is a pretty young lady (+smart). She has her own personal problems, emotions and stuff. So regret to say we are not sister that can talk a lot about everything, maybe it is my problem. I never spend my time to know my family, I am not so close to my family. When she has problem, she does not come to me, so am I. It is a pity thing actually as we are family.

I wish all the best for her and I hope I can give her the best after I able to have a stable financial. I want the best for my family but now I am still finding my way out to this society, I am nothing besides play a small role as a waitress in this big universal. I want to be a big person in this universe. I believe I am born to become someone, someone that has certain achievement, not just normal lame Phoebe. Even though I feel I am stupid, without much knowledge now, I believe I can do it. It is just I have to find the medium for me to be someone. Even though now I am in the mist, lost in some path and don’t know where shall I heading, but I believe, one day, I will be someone.

Alone make me sick

20th August. 2009

It is very early in the morning, 2:30am. I am alone in an attic room, chatting through msn, watching Hannah Montana, and blogging. I feel like it is quite a long time I do not blogging. Blogging is always what I like because it is a space to express my feeling. But lately, I lost interest in blogging as I feel so tired whenever I get back from work.

For some times I keep on asking myself what the next I am going to do? Before graduate, I have an aim, completing my degree and after I reach this target, I am a bit lost. I don't know what I am going to do next. What is my career? Definitely not waitress for my whole life, I won't let this happen on me. I think a lot but I can't reach to the conclusion.

In some way, I chat with a friend I have not been chatting with for so long time. Actually not so long, maybe just few weeks but in this duration, people change. I found my friend different from the one I know before. It it not a bad changing as she heard to be more mature and stable in handling people and thing. It is a good thing, I know that. It is just me cannot get used that people around me will change, especially her change remind me about myself. I used to be ambitious, and now who I am?

Maybe some days she will become a successful person, especially under guidance of an ambitious person, but where am I that time? Still a waitress or just a small admin clerk? Where is my dream? Where is my ambition, motivation, and where is me? I keep on asking myself but I don't know what to do. Yaya, this is the time for me to grow up and become independence. I want to have my own sky and my own career without helped by others but can I do that?

My self- confidence equal to zero and I am nothing at all now? My dad asked me to pray to God and God will give me guidance. ( no offence meanin) I am not so in to what he want me to do, but what can I do? WHo can help me and give me advice and guidance? People around me now are mostly work in restaurant field and they think that find an office work now in Uk is so hard, maybe can said as MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!

ALONE...with all those problems and everyday hardship in work, people, relationship with everyone, I become more and more scare to face any obstacle and problems. My self confidence drop to ZERO, believe me, I mean it. I don't think I am doing the right thing in everything, I don't think I can handle things, I don't believe what I am believing, I don't believe myself. It is so pathetic. Before, I am so relying on someone when I face problems as I believe he can help me in everything. However, I don't know start from when, I start to keep everything to myself. He is not the person that I will find when I have this problem anymore, he cannot help me. I always feel I am alone now in everything. He said before to me that I am not grow up yet and not a successful person. Yea, he is right. Maybe I am not a person that have any high achievement, I am destined to be normal than normal person.

I SCARE and HATE ALone...Is it the time to back?

Bloggers, How Are You?

13th August, 2009, Sunny

Time fly away..this is what most people said. Now I realise how fast it fly away from me. I am been here for almost 1 year, I still feel the minute I left KLIA is yesterday thing. I been away from my family and friends for quite a long time. I struggle in my study, exam and lastly find job. But now, I already change to second job without realise how things keep on passing in my memory.

This job can said as easy and also hard. I do not have to rush here and there like before at Yeovil job, but I cannot finish work on time because we have to wait for everyone to finish and our boss fetch us back to Cardiff. We suppose go back by 11 smtg but now we always go back by 12 smth and 1 smtg. It is quite frustrating to translate between chefs and boss. Boss is Bangali and the whole restaurant staff are Bangali and Pakistanist, besides 3 of us are Chinese. They do not know Chinese food and chefs do not know English, everything I have to translate, I am in the middle.

Sometimes, I felt it is embarrasing to mention things asked by chefs to translate to boss but I have to, then I have to explain to them what boss want. I also have to deal with the stocks ordered by chefs, have to wash toilet, clean bar, do this and that. Everyday, I can hear Phoebe here, Phoebe there, PHOEBE PHOEBE PHOEBE PHOEBE…I almost frustrated with my own name..gosh..my salary really low for this job, especially I have to pay some for my rent.

Life is hard, I can understand wholly now. I have to deal with everything, even when others shouting at me, order me to do something. It is hard but I have to do it, just because MONEY!

This morning, I get my certificate. It is a very plain paper with some words and this cost me thousand to get it…haha…this is what I waiting and anticipate for such a long time….a paper called certificate! When I get it, I have a weird feeling about this, can’t explain but just weird feeling. I have to think and plan my future as waitress is not my future definitely.

25th July, 2009

Saturday night, but I am in my own room, doing nothing besides packing. Haiz..I really scare of packing now. After back to Haverfordwest for few days, tomorrow I am heading to Cardiff again. I already quit my job as waitress at Yeovil. Actually everything is fine, just this restaurant that belongs to 13 branch company like to delay employees salary. I already work there for 1 month but until now I haven't get my salary.

My manager and senior ask me to stay and they used a lot of good reasons to make me stay such as I can become manager of restaurant after half year work there, I also can work in upper management. Hmm..actually I know they just say it but that will be hard to happen because I am not China people, I am Malaysian, even though we are same, Chinese. Besides, that is not my ambitiona and target as well. From the first, I apply waitress job because they will provide accommodation and food, then I can save money. I never think it to become my career, it is just my part time job. They tell me that I am just degree holder and it is hard to get job outside there except I am Master holder.

Well, I just can't believe them without have a try, right? Besides, they want me to stay, of course they will say something that advance to them. After came to UK, I really grow up even just a little. At here, I have to manage everything by myself. Like this time, I have to find job by myself and then find ways to go to a place that is totally stranger to me. Even though I scare but I told myself I have to do this. There is no other way besides rely on myself.

However, I have to say that I am lucky to know friends that help me a lot. There are always people around to help me and guide me, like Janice and chef that came from same place with her. They are nice to me, especially Janice, we just like friends that know each other for long time already. Even though mom told me I have to be careful and can't trust people so easily, but I want to trust people. They nice to me because they feel I am true and I don't want to ruin this trust between us. However, if they are not good people as I think, never mind, I learn again from this mistake. Mistake make us grow up, right?

I believe that when I sincere to people, they can feel it and sincere to me as well. No matter how, I still will have preparation for one day, someone betray me. The most important to me is I don't want to treat people bad and betray my friend anymore. Previous experience teach me a lot, from my behavior to my mind thinking. Experience teach me how to behave infront coworkers, customers, and friends. Now, even I can't say I am a lovely person that make everyone like me, but at least, my job performance is still okay and people don't hate me. I got improve, right? I have to grow up and become independant, there is no one except myself to rely on. Gambateh, Pooh Pooh^^

I Quit My First Job at UK after 1 month

23 July, 2009

Finally I am back to Haverfordwest...quite happy to be back. However, the whole journey really sucks because stupid me carry so many luggage...2 huge luggage, 1 hand carry and 1 laptop beg. Yeah..you are listen correctly..I really carry so many things and take train...Luckily, there are a lot nice people around that helped me to carry some of my luggage..hope is everywhere...haha.. bt I am sure I need to throw some things away, I will never carry so many things to Cardiff anymore, it is bloody hell scary!

Why I am back to Haverfordwest? Good question! I quit my job at Yeovil...haha..Yeap, I quit the job after I work there for 1 month and 4 days...The Real China, my previous working restaurant...quite big company but the management is just terrible...I start to work at 18 June and until now, I haven't get my salary...I already waste a lot of money when start work at there bt I din't even get my salary now...shit! Besides, the job is really tiring...every afternoon and night have to work overtime because of cleaning stuff....chinese businessman really stingy clever in using people...give a little salary and want you to work until die..damn...

It is terrible job...I love people and friends that I know from there but definitely not the job...I enjoy serving customers but not with loads of work to do...Well,now I already left that restaurant and will start my another job very soon. I hope everything will be okay, no more delay of salary and long hours of working and loads of work. Bt I wish I can meet more nice people and co-workers...I love Duang, John, Janice, Leo, Sian, and some part time workers at Yeovil.... They all lovely and nice, just some of them annoying and lazy that sometimes make me so angry and can't stand of it. Ohh..so tired..got to rest...

我的英国好朋友，洋洋

2009年7月9日，晴

一个人，暗暗地呆在房间，好想念你哦！
让我介绍我的新朋友，洋洋。可爱的名字吧？哈哈。。
她就是我来到英国第一份工作认识的好朋友，我好喜欢她噢！
她大我几岁，不过，没人会相信她大我的啦。。
还记得第一天报到。。一进房间，她就立刻起身帮我收拾东西，让个桌子给我。
我就很不好意思地说“不好意思哦，打扰了！”
结果，短短的两个星期，我们竟然打成一片，无所不谈。
不过，她离开了我们工作的餐厅。
我出国前都没有伤心和哭咧，当她走的那一天，我真的很不舍得。
抱了她有好几次了，不过，还是很不舍得。
当她真的要走时，她走下楼下，走向我，抱了一下，然后抱一抱其他同事。
那一眩间，我竟然好想哭，眼泪直绷上来，感觉真的要流下来了。
不过，在那么多人面前，还有客人，我就一直忍着。结果，整晚心情也不怎么样。
谢谢老天爷让我认识那么好的朋友（在英国）。
我真的是出门遇贵人，真的可以说我遇到很多好人，对我都很好。这是我的福气，得好好珍惜啊。。。

My degree graduation

After some times, finally I blogging again. This time is about my convocation, which at 4th July 2009. Finally, I graduate as degree holder, thanks goodness. Unfortunately, none of my family around to attend my graduation. At first, I felt nothing because my mom already attend my diploma graduation. However, when my friends that graduate have their family all around to attend, I felt a bit lonely and sad. Haha...well, of course will felt like that when see others have family around, especially when taking photo. They are busying taking photos with family while I have no one to take. Ya, they also got take some photos with me, but I still feel lonely. This is also one of the reason I took few photos this time.

寂寞

2009年7月3日，晴

一大早，我就得准备出发了。收拾一半的行李，今天又得赶了。我开了视频，鱼看到我忙来忙去的，觉得我很好笑。说真的，我也觉得自己很好笑啦。真的是左忙下，右拿这个那个，又找东西。哈哈，真的满好笑。

上了巴士，听着梁静如的歌，不知为什么感到一股的寂寞感，带点悲伤。也许我脑袋瓜里想着事情吧，每次有东西烦，我都会变得这样。觉得有点悲伤和寂寞。突然觉得害怕寂寞，不想一个人。有点想念在怡保一起玩的几个朋友。现在，无论去哪儿，感觉都得一个人。虽然，去到一个新地方，我可以认识新朋友，不过，那种空空的寂寞，让人还真有点难受。

Sir是怎样一个人到处跑的呢？有时还真的不能不佩服他，能够一个人跑到天涯海角，也不觉得寂寞可怜。我真的做不到了，我很害怕寂寞一个人的感觉。难道，我的人生注定是一个人孤单度过的吗？刚刚认识了一个那么好的同事和朋友，她又得离开，又剩下我一个。虽然其他人都很好，我也很喜欢John这个朋友，不过，他毕竟是男的。天啊，为什么你要我一个人呢？难道要我随便找个男朋友算了？哈哈。。不过，我做不到。

Janice问过我，有没有谈恋爱过。我很不好意思地说没有。她再问有没有男生追你呢？我更加不好意思地回答没有。以前都不觉得是问题的问题，突然间变成是个问题了。以前都不觉得尴尬，现在被人问问还真的令我觉得尴尬起来了。对啊，我还真的没人要的那种咧！21岁了，没男生追过，没谈恋爱过。天啊，真的是个耻辱吗（对女生来讲）？现在还真的会想，干嘛没人追过呢？哈哈。。应该很肯定是，长得不漂亮，没身材，脾气不好，没吸引力咯！可悲的徐薇善啊。。

painful

28th June, 2009, Sunny

It is just morning 10:19 and I already awake and sit infront my laptop, online and blogging. It is quite a miracle to me actually because usually I wake up at 11 or 12 something. Well, now I cannot do so already:'( I already work and everyday I automatically will wake up at 9am. Don't ask me why because I also dono but just will wake up at this time.

This totally new work really bloody hell tiring. Everyday I have to stand 9 hours and sometimes more than that, and this is really killing me. Every night when I get to bed, my feet pain till can't sleep comfortably. I have to find a correct position to sleep to avoid my feet felt so pain. Yesterday is Saturday and for whole day, everyone damn busy and my new shoe totally no use..stupid shoe...slippery and not comfortable as well...waste my money only.

Besides, there was a small accident that make me so angry..(just a while nia)...I have a coworker that was as new as I am. Of course we have to learn everything and I already stand by being scolded by seniors at here and manager. So, when they corrected me, I only will say ohh, yes, understand, okay, or sorry. This is what I know as working attitude. I know nothing about this restaurant, waitress and tasks, it is my responsibility to learn from them with humble attitude. But this guy is so different...when seniors and manager corrected him, he felt unhappy and show that damn face to them. He also likes to order me do thing..well, I don't mind to do it if I am free. But he ask me do thing when I so busy infront the shop..damn...and actually that is his job, not mine..

Last night, manager ask me to bring some dessert and fruits to upstair customers and when I prepare it, this fellow come and ask me go upstair see whether fruits and dessert still left and not take it directly to upstair. I understand what he want to say but I try to explain it is manager order and of course I will follow manager order, not his. When he repeated for few times, he suddenly so frustrated and shout at me said, "don't want talk to you"! Damn him, who do you think you are? Manager also did not shout at me, who are him to shout at me?

That time was so busy and he still come to disturb me and waste my time! I did not shout at him already so good, he still shout at me? Shit! After I went upstair, I so angry and tell my senior about that. She also becomes emotional and teach me to shout him back next time..Later my manager also know about this and ask me to tell her next time if he so over. Actually, manager and seniors all felt dissatisfied with his job performance and attitude. Making mistakes but still unhappy and don't want listen and follow when corrected. Now they always say about this fellow and complaint about him. I try to talk nice to him because felt pity of him and he also help me once, cutting hair.. but now, damn him..I don't want choi him so much already, besides I so regret now give him cut my hair...it is so ugly lahh now...damn...

Haih...need start work again very soon...so so tired lohh...yesterday feet pain till wana cry already...working..so painful...

First day as waitress

18th June, 2009, Sunny

My first time work as waitress. Hmm…interesting topic hah? A girl that never really go out to work finally have to find her own work and go to a far place by herself to work. Yeap, that is me. It is a bit scary when I am on the journey to come to Yeovil. I scare will miss the bus, scare will get on the wrong bus, and scare the job is totally a cheating. Haha…you don’t know how relief I am when I arrive the restaurant and it is ‘REAL’. Goodness, I worry so a lot before this. Haha…

Well, now talk about my first day working. I am quite a mess at first because I never work as waitress before. I do not know waitress job description and what I can do is asking what should I do and do whatever the senior asking me to. Well, my daily tasks are clean cupboard glass and also door, sweep the infront door and stairs, serve customers, tidy customers table like take away plates and glasses they do not need to use anymore. At night, I have to sweep the floor and mop it. Well, it heard like hmm….easy and a few to do but it is really so tiring after a day. My feet, gosh, really killing me. They feel so pain and almost numb already. It is really so hard to stay until all the tasks are finish and close restaurant. However, I am really so grateful that there are coworker to help around.

It is quite a fun and interesting job to me besides the tired and feet pain part. Haha…it is fun to serve customers and meet all new people. After finish my work, I just have one thought in my mind. Faster bath and then go to sleep, however, there is something make me change my mind. Our coworker, John, asking Jenny to go out to pub. Ohh ya, haven’t introduce Jenny. She is my roommate and also senior that teaches me to work. She is China girl and she is quite nice person. Okay, finish the introduce part, let’s back to pub part. When we want to buy drinks and get into a pub, they ask for our ID. Do we not look like mature enough to go into pub and buy drinks? Gosh, so funny..we have to go back to restaurant to take passport and I choose to take my international student card but the guard said next time bring passport. Haha…so funny lahh bring passport go to pub…haizz….

I tried Archers lemonade and it is a bit bitter but quite tasty and then I have Smiroff Ice. Well, it is okay but it makes my face flushing. Haha….John has quite a lot of friends at the pub and they keep on coming and saying hi to us. Hmm, actually mostly are boys and it is quite awkward to me because I am not used to chat will boys that just know, especially those in pub. When we go to dance floor, John’s friend, I don’t know what his name already came to approach me and take me to dance. Gosh, you know what he dance? A dance that two people so close to each other and well, say I am grandma, but I just can’t get used to it. I felt so embarrassed and wana run away . John thought I don’t like white people…haha..but do you think I will tell him that I scare so close with boys because I never so close with boys? Dear dear, so funny…a night and a few boys come close to me to dance, but me, this so virgin girl, so scare until asking for help. Haha…

Anyway, it is really so funny and scary at the same time. Anyway, my feet pain really killing me now and it is so good to get into my cosy bed and rest. Nite nite^^

Moving...

17th June 2009


Finally I arrive at Yeovil, a small place that will be my working place soon. It is my first time to come to a stranger place alone and especially for working. Wow, I can’t believe I am here now. I share a room with a China girl and she is quite nice. She is older than me but she totally not look like that…haha..she looks so young. Everything seems has to be start from zero again. A new place, new people, new environment, new work, and new life, if I am not wrong, this is what sir called as just the start of my life. I really hope everything will be okay, without the human relationship problem. God bless me please….haha…


Gambateh, Su Wei San. You will be okay, promise yourself.

Hoho

16 June, 2009

Today suddenly saw my phone got light...well, why it din't ring? I also dono what happen to it...huh...Anyway, it is a call from the person responsible for the Chinese restaurant. Haha..guess what? He asked me some question and asked when I am available to go to work. Finally, I got work already. So happy, less one worry already but I hope it will be smooth. This Wednesday, I have to move alone to a place that far from Wales. It is a bit scary to me but no choice, I need to earn money....

God bless me

Milford Haven

Again, I went for trip again. Even though just 1 day trip, it still fun^^This time I went to Milford Haven...it is really a small town with sea, mountain and small shops..

First view of sea arriving Milford Haven

A lot of ships...is there any one is mine?haha

Reflux of tide

Wide sea

Drink coffee with this view is marvelous

Houses near sea

I just like the pink sail..haha...can you see?

It is so comfortable at here

Two sa lao sitting near the sea? Want to commit suicide?haha

The Secret of Moonacre

9th June, 2009, Sunny

For the whole day, I do not have any mood to watch any movie or drama as I started to do the watching thing after I finished my exam. No matter how you love certain hobby, you will get tired to do it when it is repeating everyday. However, it is just a coincidence when I click the website and saw the poster...just like what you all see above...It is a pretty poster and full of fantasies. The first time I saw this poster few months ago, I was quite look forward to watch this movie and I am right about this movie. It is lovely.

The movie name is The Secret of Moonacre. This movie is about a moon princess whose cursed two person she loved when they just want to get the magical pearl owned by her. Both of the family will drawn with their valley when the 5000 moon arrived unless appeared a girl that will break the curse. The girl is Maria, whose just lost her father and move to live with her uncle at the Moonacre valley. There are few times she chased by the robbers that want her to break the curse. Both of the family insist that the other side took the pearl but actually, none of them took the pearl.

When Maria started get to know to the story through the book left by her father and also from Loveday, she tries to break the curse. She knows her uncle family do not take the pearl, so she tries to search from the robber family but it is useless. When she get back to her uncle castle, she found the picture of Moon Princess. From the picture, she saw the princess hide the pearl under a big and has a lot of roots tree. She finds Robin to help her to find the pearls and after a lot of chasing and obstacles, finally she found it and returns them to the nature. The misunderstanding between the two family and his uncle and Loveday come to the end. And the curse is broke and it is a happy ending.

Some people may say that it is just a fantasy story and it is just so old idea, but for me, I love the story line and also the setting of the movie. The scenery, the castle, the old ancient style of building and everything, match with the proper music and marvelous sound setting, it is such an amazing and brilliant movie. When I watch it, I seem like go into the movie and go with them....ohh, that is why I love British building structures and some of the ancient thing... It is really a movie that worth my time and maybe "your time"?

Pembrokeshire Castle and Heatherton Trip

Last week, 26th May 2009, I went for a visit to Pembrokeshire Castle and have a fun day at Heatherton... However, this time I went alone, without all my guards (haha)... The other boys that always went with me to almost all the trips battling with their dearest assignments. At first, I was a bit scare to go alone, suppose say feel lonely..haha..however, I still have to go... I will have fun, this is what I thought. And I did^^

Arriving

The scenery at the back of the castle

Introduce....Pembrokeshire Castle...the biggest castle in Wales, UK

Right side of the castle

King Henry (dono which one) was born at here

Group photo (actually less a girl)

Castle with the sky and clouds (nice combination)

This was a big and luxury dining room before

I just cannot miss the chance took photo with the castle^^

Outside the infront door of Pembrokeshire Castle (lovely)

Such a delicious chocolate fudge

I am in the Heatherton now...just took photo, no play game

I saw a lot of pooh in the game machine and

cannot miss the chance to capture them

One of the game in Heatherton Park (racing car)..

Fun or not..depends on individuals:p

Some people will like this game...challenging and fun

I am on the way back and just cannot miss to

capture such a beatiful scenery

After back to college, I still cannot miss the chance to

take some photo with foreign country new friend

人生的无常

2009年5月27日，阴

突然醒了，看看时间，还早得很。躺着，突然电话响起了。电话在对面床，还真有点懒起身去拿，所以就伸长手尽量去拿那电话。哈哈，终于拿到了。到底是谁那么早发信息给我啊？心里这么想。。哎，是一个陌生号码，陌生的介绍。那名字，我不认识，不过，心里猜想着会不会是那个人呢？猜着猜着，电话再次响起，回复答案到了。真的是表姐，没有猜错。她拜托我帮她买些东西，是她的结婚饰品。哇，还真的是个惊喜啊！表姐要结婚了，感觉好不真实。时间过得那么快吗？她已经进入结婚的年龄了。哎，真的是不知不觉时间离我而去了。剩下的只是回忆。真的很兴奋听到这喜讯。回了几封信息，我又躲进温暖的被窝里，继续睡我的大头觉。结果，到了下午才心不甘情不愿地起床。

洗好脸，刷好牙，我就立刻去煮我的午餐。今天开始得从新减肥，只能吃蔬菜汤，有得痛苦了。。上来房间后，就开始了我对电脑的节目。跟妈妈聊天聊到一半，突然sir nudge我。我还半开玩笑跟他说不用nudge，我在这里。结果，他第一句就跟我说婉郡家出事了。只是看到这一行字，我的心发抖了，我的眼眶开始酝酿着泪。千万不要告诉我这个，千万不要。我心里一直祈求着不是那件事。不过，答案就是那么残酷。婉郡哥哥去世了。。我的泪再也忍不住了。

哭着，我跟弟弟说我有事情要办，就把msn的call关了。立刻拿起我的电话，我想播电话给婉郡。一按电话，我的心再次抽痛。婉郡发信息来了，不过，我没有看到。对不起，真的很对不起，没有第一时间回你。我只知道现在的她已定很伤心，很心痛。只要想到这里，我真的很难控制我的情绪和眼泪。我不可以让她听到我哭的声音。整理好自己的情绪，就播电话给她。感觉上没人接电话，心开始急起来了，她还好吗？我的心都乱了，只是想要立刻听到她的声音。幸好，终于接通了。听到她的声音也令我很难控制眼泪。朋友，你还好吗？在电话里，她听起来很坚强。我不知道该说什么，除了聆听，我不知道可以说什么安慰话了。我真的很遗憾不能在她身边陪伴她，陪她一起度过，就好像我们一起熬过美萦的离开。对不起，真的很对不起，我无法陪伴在你身旁。除了跟你说要坚强，要好好照顾自己，我不知道我可以怎么做。

在远方的我，只能这样做了。听着聊着，我们开始哭了。我知道你忍得很辛苦，心一定很痛吧？她也许听到我哭得声音，跟我说了两次对不起，因为令我不开心。听到她的对不起，我不知所措。我很想说对不起，不能陪伴你一起度过这次的伤心。每次我听到她跟我诉说她哥哥的状况，往往都令我觉得心痛。每一天都要做心理准备哥哥也许会离开，这种心情一定很难受。也许因为这样，我渐渐地已经把她哥哥病变严重和有些好转放进心里了，感觉上我会为他的病儿伤心，为他的好转而开心。当我知道他离开了，真的很难受。阿弥陀佛。

在同一天里，我得到两个消息，不过，两个是天差地的消息。一个是喜讯，一个是丧事。人生的喜怒哀乐就是这样吧？这一刻，你可以开怀大笑，下一秒钟，你不知道你是否是大哭。人生真的太无常了，没有任何事是在掌控当中。虽然人人都说命运是掌握在自己的手中，为什么生命却那么难掌控呢？也许这就是人生。。我不知道了。。

春天

花开了。。等待已久，花终于开了。也代表着春天的来临。

春天的天空也特别的美，特别地明朗。走着走着找洗衣店，就拍下来了。

到处都是绿油油，很清新的春天



学院里的其中一个树，整树都开满了花。好漂亮。



四季是我一向来都向往的啊。。看着花开花落，真的很有意思。人生也是如此吧？

亲眼看到会更美^^

到处都是这毛毛球。呵呵。。可爱

春天给人希望的感觉。树木从落叶日子里，慢慢地从新生出青青的叶子，开花。那么，你呢？你对春天也充满了希望吗？不知道是否有人曾经说过，春天让人想谈恋爱。嗯，很有趣的想法。在春天里，你特别想恋爱吗？春天的恋爱，会是怎样的呢？感觉很清新？哈哈，恋爱感到很清新，有点怪吧？牵着伴侣的手，漫步在一大片青青的大草场，不用花钱又浪漫？

对单身的我来说，春天依然带点冬天的冷，却包含着微微的温暖，所以没有伴侣的手来温暖我冰冷的手也不会太难过。在那片大草场一个人散步，慢慢地欣赏脚底下的小花。小花朵的艳丽虽然不比玫瑰显耀，它们依然闪发着独特的美，令把它们踩在脚下的我有点心疼。离开家人和朋友的日子也相当长了，有点想回家了。虽然家乡没有四季，不过，那儿拥有我最亲的人。一个人到外国来已有段时间了，我有长大吗？似乎不是很多。有一个人说我一点都没有学会长大，也不算成功。虽然说是事实，不过有点伤人。我承认我并不成功也不够成熟，不过，我很努力在学习。可以不要把我当成立刻就可以成长的人吗？我会有点吃不消。

哈哈。。春天过了，夏天就到了。夏天？我要放假到处玩！